First time Sex Tips: Everything you need to know
The first time having sex can be a daunting experience for anyone, no matter your sexuality or gender expression. Becoming ready to have sex is your decision and your decision alone. If you feel uncertain or hesitant, then it is absolutely fine to delay the big day until you feel like taking that big step. Additionally, you can always change your mind about sex, even on the day, or just before the act takes place. When you are ready to pop your cherry, however, then you are in the right place as this guide has been created to outline the various tips that you should know about. Read on to learn everything you need to know about first-time sex.
- Your First Time: What to Expect?
- How to Prepare for Your First Time
- Tips for a Safe First Time
- First-Time Sex Advice: Pain, Bleeding and Other Discomfort
- Will I Have an Orgasm During My First Time?
- Conclusion
- FAQs
Your First Time: What to Expect
Whether or not you choose to have sex with a trusted partner, or you are looking to casually bond with a friend or a stranger at a party, your first time should always be on your own terms. The number one priority is enthusiastic consent. While it is totally normal to be nervous before sex, you shouldn’t be hesitant, so only go into it if you are completely ready to do it. With that said, your first time can be a special and enjoyable experience, especially as everything is new and exciting, making it one of the most important milestones in your sexual life.
You might have had an awkward conversation with your parents about sex. Or maybe you picked up info from schoolmates. Either way, there’s probably a lot of thoughts running through your mind before your first time:
- Do I have sex appeal
- What’s the deal with condoms?
- What first-time sex advice should I follow?
- Will I achieve orgasm?
- What are some tips for a safe first time?
So, without further ado, let’s take a closer look at these very valid concerns.
When Is the Right Time?
People seem to have plenty of first-time sex tips, and it’s a topic we love to discuss. However, at the end of the day, the only person who can truly answer the question, "When is the right time for me to have sex?" is you.
Sex is an emotional experience, whether it’s a hookup or with a romantic partner. If you're considering having sex for the first time, here are some questions to ask yourself¹:
- Do you feel comfortable sharing your body and emotions with this person?
- Are you aware of issues like STIs and unplanned pregnancy?
- Are you and your partner both on board? Enthusiastic consent is the goal here.
- What are your reasons for taking this step? It’s important to be honest with yourself.
It’s important to remember that consent — and enthusiastic consent at that — should be at the absolute heart of every part of the first time that you have sex. If at any time you feel differently, you can always say no and change your mind.
What Counts as the “First Time”?
“Losing your virginity.” “Popping your cherry.” “Handing in your V-Card.” Whatever the term, your first time can be confusing. What even counts as the first time? The great thing is you get to define it! There is no single, correct way to have sex. Most people tend to think of penetrative sex as the way to “lose your virginity,” but that isn’t necessarily true for everyone.
Same-sex couples might never have penetrative sex, or their first sexual experience might not involve penetration, but their tenth time does — or vice versa. There’s no right or wrong here. If you feel like you’ve had sex, then you’ve had sex. As long as both you and your partner were safe, consenting and it felt good, anything from oral sex to penetration can count as your first time
How to Prepare for Your First Time
Sex is like exercise — some reactions are universal, like an increased heart rate, sweating and feeling out of breath. Other reactions are unique to you, from the amount of lubrication that your body produces to how erect your nipples are. Here are our tips for your first time:
- Get to know your body! Masturbating before being intimate with a partner can be a great way to discover what makes you ‘tick.’
- Talk about it. Whether it’s with a parent, doctor, therapist, or all of the above, discussing your feelings can help clarify things. It’s also important to talk about it with your partner, whether romantic or otherwise. Do you both consent to having sex? Do either of you have any concerns? When in doubt, talk it out.
- Manage your expectations. You might not have an orgasm. You might not find the right spot on the first go. Don’t expect Hollywood movie perfection — just have fun with your partner and enjoy the ride.
- Be safe. Educate yourself on the risks that come with being sexually active.
- Normalise carrying condoms and using lubes. No matter if you have a penis or a vagina, you should always be carrying condoms on you and practicing safe sex. You should definitely bring lube as well, which can help make your first time easier and more enjoyable!
Tips for a Safe First Time
You’ve probably heard about the risk of pregnancy, STIs and everything in between. Maybe you’ve had to sit through a particularly awkward sex health lesson by a teacher who droned on and on. While the topic of safe sex might not be inherently sexy, it’s important to know the facts. Let’s jump in.
Preventing Pregnancy
When it comes to having sex for the first time, the most common advice revolves around preventing unintended pregnancy. Condoms are a classic example. It’s worth pointing out that condoms still remain the only dual protection method of helping protect against both STIs and pregnancy, making them an essential tool when having sex for the first time, especially if you are choosing to have sex with someone that you might not know that well. Condoms are a type of barrier contraceptive — a physical barrier that helps prevent sperm from reaching the egg. Other methods include:
- The Pill (a type birth control tablet that females take regularly to alter hormones and prevent pregnancy)
- IUD (Intrauterine Device, placed inside the uterus, which releases hormones to make the uterus unsuitable for pregnancy)
- Female condom (similar to the male condom, but worn inside the vagina to prevent sperm from fertilising an egg)
These are all effective birth control methods when used properly. Nonetheless, condoms are still an easy and simple form of contraception that help prevent both STIs and pregnancy. Check out our complete collection of condoms here.
Preventing STIs
Getting intimate with a partner can make us vulnerable to bacteria, leading to sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Some STIs are easily treatable with medication, while others can be more serious and may cause long-term symptoms. Some of the symptoms of STIs include:
- Pain while you pee
- Rashes
- Unusual vaginal bleeding
- Itchy genitals and anus
- Blisters, sores or warts on your private parts
- Lumps or skin growth on genitals
- Unusual discharge
Condoms help offer protection against both pregnancy and STIs, making them the only dual protection method for sexual intercourse available on the market. Nonetheless, it's worth pointing out that no form of contraception is 100% effective. Practice safe sex and get tested regularly for STIs. If you’re concerned that you might have a sexually transmitted infection, it’s best to consult a doctor.
First-Time Sex Advice: Pain, Bleeding and Other Discomfort
You might be worried about bleeding during or after sex. For those with vaginas, some bleeding during or after penetrative sex for the first time is common. Bleeding during sex can be caused by:
- Vaginal dryness
- The hymen breaking
- Sexually Transmitted Infection
- Anatomical abnormalities
Both light bleeding and no bleeding are perfectly normal. Unless the bleeding is heavy, accompanied by pain, or continues for hours after intercourse, there’s usually nothing to worry about. Nonetheless, if you are concerned about bleeding, pain, or other discomfort during sex, then it is definitely recommended to use lube, which may be able to increase your comfort level for the first time. Additionally, please visit your doctor or healthcare professional in case of any concerns. Check out our selection of lubes here.
Does It Usually Hurt the First Time You Have Sex?
The more relaxed you are, the less likely you’ll experience discomfort or pain. When we’re anxious or stressed, our muscles tense up as a response to a perceived threat, which can make penetration more difficult. Foreplay and communication are your best friends here!
Will I Have an Orgasm During My First Time?
One of the most important tips for your first time is to focus on enjoying the experience. You might have an orgasm, or you might not — both are completely normal. Statistically, most people don’t experience an orgasm during their first time. For many, sex gets better with practice. Be gentle with yourself — practice makes perfect.
Conclusion
There are several factors to consider before jumping into bed with someone for the first time:
- Are you emotionally prepared to share your body with another person?
- Do you know how to practice safe sex?
- What are your motivations for taking this step?
- Have you discussed having sex with your partner?
Don’t be concerned if your first time wasn’t what you expected. It’s rarely a spectacular experience, but it gets better. The most important thing to remember is that for your first time, you should always have enthusiastic consent — and seek enthusiastic consent — and feel empowered at the same time. Starting your first time on this note will inspire you to seek out further exciting experiences in the years to come. And remember: be safe and have fun!
FAQs
Who Is Supposed to Grab the Condom?
In the movies, it’s often portrayed as the handsome partner’s job to provide the condom. In reality, it’s best if both partners come prepared, just in case things get steamy.
Should I Use Lube?
Lube is always optional, but it can really help make things feel smoother for first-timers. Why not give it a go? Check out our lubes here!
How Long Does First-Time Sex Usually Last?
There’s no set duration for how long first-time sex should last. It can be overwhelming for both partners, so it may last anywhere from a minute to several.
What Should I Chat About With My Partner Beforehand?
Make sure you’re both enthusiastically on board — consent is key. Discuss any concerns you may have and talk about which sexual activities you are or aren’t comfortable with.
What if I Regret Having Sex for the First Time?
Your first time doesn’t define you and it’s likely that future experiences will be more positive. If you’re feeling significant emotional distress after your first time, talking to your partner, a therapist or a trusted adult can be helpful.
Is Sex Easier After the First Time?
Generally, yes. Your body knows what to expect. As you become more familiar with your body and the experience, you may feel less nervous. The time it takes for sex to feel easier varies from person to person.
